Chewy Luis and the Blues!
25/06/14 03:42
Day 13 in the Footcall house...
This was it, we had it in the diary, the day England were all set to march on into the Knockout Stages give all Footcallers false hope we could go all the way! Well I can exclusively reveal that I have just got back from a court hearing regarding scurrilous rumours surrounding a story about the Footcall board consisting of yours truly and my good friends Andy, Rebekah and Charlie. Allegedly a pre-tournament agreement had been struck with the FIFA top bods to make sure England got past the group stages and into the Knockout Stages. So to prevent any excuses they made the ball rounder, they made the wall stand exactly 10 yards away and they brought in goal-line technology. Tragically this all came to fruition and the Footcall board were summoned to the Old Bailey to answer some stiff questioning. Well the good news is that these terrible allegations were quashed out of hand as England demonstrated just how to lose a tournament even with FIFA's backing! Well it least it saved us Footcallers and the nation the heartbreak of England going out on penalties and/or suspect decisions.
Despite all these shenanigans they still had some dignity to salvage as we took on Costa Rica who were top of the group and already going through. For us, it was time to wheel out a few of the 23 who gone along for the ride and one of those was Frank Lampard who was picking up his 106th cap. Well what can I say, there was a lot of huff and there was a lot of puff but still we couldn't blow the doors down. Costa Rica are not known for being a footballing power house but they kept us at arms length in what felt like an end of season kick about. Needless to say there were no goals and the squad could naff off early for an early bath, probably a Turkish. Delight for the Costa Ricans however as they chance their arm in the next phase of the cup. I don't mean to be too harsh on England as we did compete at times but ultimately we failed to get the results we needed at this top level. Hark at me, sounding like Robbie Savage on the Late Review! Maybe we need to reassess our expectations (maybe some of you already had) and of course what goes up must also go down... England flags, mostly! Why can't we be more like the Italians?
Oh yeah the Italians, how are they getting on? Headed up by the elder statesman of the Italian squad, Andrea Pirlo looking somewhat like Joe Wilkinson's more attractive brother, were taking on the bad boys of Group D, Uruguay. This game had a little more bite about it as both teams were hungry for promotion into the KO Stages. Just like the England match going on at the same time, these two were playing out a bore draw throwing the statisticians into chaos as it looked like they may finish on identical points and goal difference. They were frantically looking through the rule book to see how to decide who go through and it seemed it might be decided by who can p*ss the highest! This probably explains why in the past Peter Crouch managed to make the England squad! What this game needed was something to get our teeth into. Well once again the star player of the Uruguayan team, the Premier League player of the year, destroyer of England's hearts (give it a rest with the England references, we're out, get over it), Liverpool's golden boy, Luis Suarez stole the headlines once again.
Late into the second half Luis was grappling with Giorgio Chiellini in the Italian penalty area. Nothing appeared to be untoward, just the usual Grecko Roman wrestling you always see go on but Mr Suarez clearly felt he needed to make his mark on Mr Chiellini and as he turned his back on the Uruguayan front man, he sunk his front teeth into the shoulder of the Italian defender like it was bar of Turkish Delight! I was fully expecting Sepp Blatter himself come on the field and say: "You come round 'ere dazzling us with your fancy moves and clinical finishing which is all well and good but if you were to take a bite out of one of the opposing players without so much as a by your leave I'd say Oi, Suarez, Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"
In football terms this was like the Kennedy assassination, OK maybe not quite that but it's up there Maradona's hand of God in '86 and Lampard's disallowed goal in '10 (one more England mention and I'm gonna get a warning), but make no mistake we were witnessing a classic moment in World Cup history. After the moment of impact Chiellini went down clutching his shoulder and Luis bizarrely went down holding his front gnashers. If Luis was ever going to deny planting his face into Giorgio's back then nursing the offending weapons were not going to help his cause. It's not as if this guy hasn't got previous. Apart from a number of racial abuse, despicable behaviour and other footballing misdemeanours this is now the third time he has been caught biting (https://vine.co/v/MtJwm0p3Jwh) There's no excuse for it this time either, he wasn't being provoked or antagonised he just did it for the hell of it and this time it looks like he's serious trouble. The only thing that prevented him from being sent off was the fact the referee didn't see it, but the cameras did and so did we and now there is a worldwide out cry for him to be banned from the tournament, even the FA have contacted FIFA to ask them to review the video evidence (as if they have any power). Let's see what unfolds I'm sure he can't wait to play in Europe next season as he has taste for Italy now. Apparently I saw on eBay that his laptop is up for sale; available storage space: 1 Terror Byte!
Well he managed to stay on the field despite the Italian protestations and only a few minutes later just to pour salt onto Chiellini's wound Diego Godin (the man who should have been sent off against England) headed Uruguay into the lead. The clock ran down and the Europeans in Group D had been dismissed. Suarez left the field euphoric, Chiellini left the field needing a tetanus jab! One thing to note is the body language of Luis as he exited the stage really gave the impression he knew what was awaiting him... a bunch of angry Italian fans out in the car park ready to smash his teeth in! I could go on all day with these puns :-) but let's leave it by observing that England finish the World Cup without a win and still Suarez makes the headlines!
Later on this evening Japan played Colombia whilst Greece played Ivory Coast to decide who was going through from Group C. Let's wrap this up quick as I want to go to bed! Colombia walked it 4-1 and finished top of the group, they look really good and must now be considered the new new dark horses if Belgium aren't prepared to take on that mantle. Meanwhile Grrrrrreece knew they had to fight like Tony the Tiger if they were going to beat the Elephants, they needed a positive result if they were going to progress. Just as half time was approaching Samaris latched on to an Ivorian defensive error and he dinked it over the keeper to go one up. After the break the Ivory Coast pushed for an equaliser and it came through a nicely worked goal finished by Wilfried Bony and make it one all. As it stood the Ivorians were going through on goal difference or that other technicality discussed earlier. That was until Greece won a penalty in the 92nd effing minute! Celtic's Georgios Samaras (only one letter different from his goal scoring compatriot) stepped up to put just past the outstretched arms of Boubacar Barry and put them through and the Africans out. Some great names to conjure with in this game and if circumstances had been different, like Suarez, I would have made a meal of it.
And so to the Footcall league...
Well what a sequence of events we had, the lead must have changed nearly a dozen times, I know a few of you watch the in-play league as the goals go in, I'm sorry if it's not bang on time, I'm usually mid-text to fellow Footcallers putting the now infamous Footcall Kiss Of Death on those of you who are doing well at any given time. If you get a text from me I would strongly recommend you ignore it because it probably means that your team is about to fall from grace. I make no apologies for this as I'm only bitter because I'm currently staring down the barrel of the Vuvuzela! Just beware... the KOD could be coming to your mobile phone anytime soon!
Anyway let's dish out some credits who did avoid my jinx, Andy Brunt is hanging in there but Robert Pritchard has appeared like the shopkeeper from Mr Benn into second. Matt Clark was momentarily top as he took screenshots of his league placing only to see before his very eyes for him to drop to fourth. Even his daughter Amaia went top for a while along with Russ Morris, Kelly Sains and Kane Vanns. I've never seen a rollercoaster ride like this one before today. Steves Nutt and Capp did well, as too did Richard Goodwin, Manoj Gupta, Mark Pedler and John (yo Neil check me out) Dawson. Chris Read collected some valuable points along with Eric Church, Dan Mackenzie, Sam Allen, Mark Hudgell and Roy Trute. Broady (Sean not Grant), Rachel Rowland collected threes today and Helene Wilkinson even bagged a brace!
My player of the day is in fact players of the day, a double act that has supported Footcall almost since day one, it's our UK/Sri Lankan/American/Greek combo of Chris and Nick Kotsonis. THeir unwavering support for Nick's heritage team of Greece has finally paid off as their 2-1 prediction was indeed their best prediction to date and only their second red square so far. I can only imagine the joy as Samaras converted that penalty with virtually the last kick of the game. Well done guys and thanks for your support on Facebook.
That's me done, I must say that a part of me feels quite sorry for Suarez. All he wants to do is bite people and be racist, but the English media keep giving him a hard time!
Until tomorrow...
David