Dismal England absolutely Muller-ed!
28/06/10 02:41
Q. What's the difference between the German keeper and the Tonbridge heist thieves?
A. Manuel Neuer got away with it!
It's all over, we can all pack up and go home (unless of course you don't support England). Once again the old rivals of England v Germany was packed with incident and shrouded in controversy. Fabio Capello named an unchanged team from our victory over Slovenia. We were playing in red and optimism was high, surely our experienced crew would triumph over the very young Germans in a match that has never been decided in normal time during a knockout match. Unfortunately we didn't factor in the ageing washed up strike force of Klose and Podolski and in classic Sunday morning route one fashion saw Mr Klose mug Mr Upson and squeeze the ball in past the diving Mr James. Not since the Crazy Gang pioneered such a move of the keeper hoofing it down the field for the frontmen to tuck the ball into the napping opposition. Shocking! OK, no worries, we'll dust ourselves off and go for the equaliser. Er, no. As we pushed forward, it bl**dy happened again! Those canny Germans picked our pocket again and this time it was Podolski that managed to find the far stick and sneak the ball in past the diving Mr James. Up until then the diving Mr James was actually keeping our boys in it with a number of telling saves, off his fingertips, off his feet and even off his fresh new corn rows!
OK, no worries, we'll dust ourselves down get ourselves back in the running. Five minutes later an incisive England move the looked like a pinball table ended with our offending defender, Matt Upson, making up for his earlier error as the ball bounced off his face and into the German net. We were on the scoresheet and with a bit of luck we can strive for the equaliser.
Well lady luck was ever present but the problem was just like half the German team she too had Deutsch heritage! As the ball pinged about on the edge of the German box it landed sweetly for Frank Lampard to lob it goalward over the defence and the outstretched keeper, Manuel Neuer. He was beaten, it struck the underside of the bar, it dropped down nearly a yard over the goal line a la World Cup Final 1966. A goal! Queue celebrations! The players went nuts, the manager went nuts, Beckham went nuts, the fans went nuts, we went nuts! We were back in it. But.... Nooooooooooooo! Just one problem..... The Uruguayan referee, Jorge Larrionda, didn't effing see it go in! OK, no worries, the referee's assistant will have seen it. But sadly this time this linesman wasn't Russian and he must have been off at Specsavers because the flag remained by his side :-(then we had a frantic rush to get back and defend the oncoming German attack. We had to quickly put the misdemeanour of the year behind us and consolidate the situation and head for half time just 2-1 down.
After the break it looked as if we'd all put our boots on the wrong feet because our German adversaries started to take control and run rings around us. This didn't look good as time and again they were picking our pocket as the frustration start to creep in and we lost our shape and discipline. On the 67th minute the team in white unravelled our defence and Mr Muller powered the ball in past the diving Mr James. Just three minutes later we were carved wide open once again that man Muller again slotted home another past the diving Mr James to see the score 4-1, leaving me seriously considering whether to ever buy another fruit corner again! And so they kept command for the next 20 minutes, despite Lampard slamming the topside of the crossbar in well struck free kick. The final whistle blew as they showed us the door with 23 plane tickets home.
We were done. Time to go home. Questions will be asked about the management, the players, the techniques and especially the goal line technology. SEPP BLATTER... TALK TO ME! Word is, England already have a new coach... it's picking the team up from Heathrow tomorrow afternoon!
Later on saw the return of Maradona and his Argentinian superstars. The took on Mexico in an entertaining game that saw a suspicious opening goal that looked distinctively offside. More issues for FIFA to consider over the rest of the summer. Tevez was the man to latch on to Messi's chip and tuck it away and even though it looked like the officials agreed they had made a terrible mistake that let the goal stand. The Mexicans went nuts! Not 10 minutes later Mexican defender Osorio gifted Higuain a golden goal which he dispatched with fine skill, 2-0 which is how it stayed until the obligatory Mexican/Argie bargie that happened as they walked off towards the tunnel. After the half time oranges the baby blue and white stripes looked sharp and that man Tevez scored a wonder goal as he belted it past the diving Mr Perez, in fact it was kicked so hard, the keeper would have not even saved it in super slow mo. Three nil now and this was looking like a rout. Mexico did manage a consolation goal but the dominant Argies saw off the bandits very convincingly. Maradona went nuts, he really does make quite an entertaining touchline spectacle.
And so to the Footcall league...
Well not much movement really. It seems the top 10 remain unchanged. Kevin is pulling away and Martin Arscott moves up one and we had a few double ones, mainly from you unpatriotic lot! Zhaomin Meng, John Trent, Mark Brown, Rob Pearson (again) Martin Acott, Neil White (apparently he has a master plan), Carol Gerrard on form and Ric Robinson who's now top of the table (page two that is!) Russell Morris showed no faith in England nor did Paul Wakefield (I hope Jack sees this) Paul Harrison and Mr Micky Mallioni also picking us to lose. Players of the day should go to Eddie Bojtler and Christine Jenner (The GLW) for a perfect pair of ones today, of course their excuse is that they share a common Scottish nationality, thanks for your support guys :-)
Let's see how Holland and Brazil get on tomorrow.
Dj