Red Hot Brazilians see off a Luke Warm Chile!
29/06/10 01:09
Q. Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
A. 'cos FIFA said it didn't!
England are out and already the questioning has started, was it da management, was it the players tired legs, was it the fact that the WAGs stayed at home? What strikes me is that the best I've seen England play was in Euro 96, especially when we destroyed the Dutch and that year it was publicly documented that three quarters of our team were a bunch of pissheads. Who could forget the dentists chair? So here's my solution to the England problem...
First off, we need to get back to basics. Sobriety clearly doesn't work, we tried that and we're on our way home early (again). We should be up till all hours on the razzle dazzle, getting permanently drunk on alcho-pops and White Lightning. Next, we need to sack the manager, it doesn't seem to make any difference whether he's there or not and his £6m salary will be much needed for rehab trips to The Priory. Team selection will be decided by who can piss the highest, of course this does mean first on the team sheet will always be Peter Crouch! We need to recruit more egotistical self-centred proper hardened drinkers to take us forward, throughout the 90s, the Arsenal back four were often slaughtered on a Saturday afternoon and they were the best in the business! I'm sure Messrs Terry & Cole could lead the revolution and come the Euros 2012 we will be a babbling band of lushes and no doubt they'll get us those all important column inches on the front (not the back) of the tabloids. I'm sure if we back the boys, this is the future of English football, however we all must do our bit by buying them a drink whenever they're seen out on the lash. We've proven this approach works and of course if we fail to qualify from the Group Stages we'll have the perfect excuse... "What chance did we have? We were off our effing faces!"
Well enough of that ranting, the World Cup is still going on and so is Footcall 2010. After looking pretty sharp in the Group Stages the Chileans were out classed by the South American neighbours, Brazil. It took half an hour before the score sheet was blotted by the Juan and only with a rather fine header. From there on in it was pretty much auto pilot for the boys in Pantone 116 (yellow/gold). Just four minutes later they doubled their lead with some very slick passing to cut the Chileans wide open and Luis Fabiano tucked away the second. In the second half the cream really rose to the top as they really made a statement to the other teams in the competition by taking the game by the scruff. Ramires went on a Stevie McManaman-esque mazy run to set up Robinho for the Brazilian third. They march on to the quarters where they will meet the winners from earlier in the day.
They aforementioned team just happens to be Holland after their victory over Slovakia. The afternoon game saw old man Robben, who from a distance looks much older than his age but certainly can run like a whippet, put the "cheeseheads" in the lead with a little gem of a goal. For the best part of an hour there were chances at both ends and the Slovaks certainly had opportunities to equalise. The Dutch hung on and eventually diced up the Eastern European defence with the industrious Kuyt running the line to set up Sneijder for an empty net, 2-0. The Slovaks pushed on and we were finally rewarded with a penalty with the very last kick of the game. In fact I'm surprised the pedantic ref didn't blow the full time whistle as Vittek run up to take the spot kick. They got their consolation but it was all over 2-1.
This sees a real showdown in the Quarters between the Netherlands and Brazil so maybe we'll have some "total football" to make the respective legends of Cruijff and Pele sit up and take notice. Let's hope so!
And so to the Footcall league...We have to hand to Kev as he pushes on with a perfect 6 so far and only Rob Pearson, Neil White, Chris Amos, Martin Acott and Carol Gerrard can lay claim to that. Ric Robinson has done very well so far so too is Olly Gale, Adam Jones, Jamie/Ian/Sean/Adam/other people from Zone and Keith Firmston all picking up vital points. My bruv Syd, has also a perfect 6 but they are all zeroes :-) but perhaps what's most astonishing is how well Dave Hope is doing, maybe in the next round he'll get a score other than a 1 or a 0.
Later today sees the final second round games and in an effort to be completely transparent, I should let it be known that I am throwing my weight behind Paraguay. I only mention this if by freaky chance they do start doing well and I start moving up the charts I don't want any eyebrows being raised in suspicion. Please email me if any of you would like to see my predictions.
Dj